game of life

An unsettled heart is such a dangerous thing.  Not being able to see the next few steps in God's perfect plan has my brain spinning.  I use to love the game of life. You just spin the dial and then follow the steps set out for you.  You go to college, find a job, marry, buy a house, fill the car with two babies, take vacations and eventually retire.  

Real life doesn't work that way.  Real life has different orders of events, student loans that need to be paid, jobs that could ask you to transfer states, states have different licensures, and housing markets are not always stable.  

My heart tells me that the time is coming to start working on my next step; the whatever it is I am suppose to be doing or working towards. Unfortunately I feel stuck between the rock and the hard place and should probably return to a life stage of being still with God.  But I do not want to stand still.  I want to move "forward" and everytime I figure a step out I hit a big stop sign. I shift and figure another step out but after a few steps forward hit a big stop sign again. Now I am at that point where I have to go left or right and if I move forward left and the future forward is meant to be right then I've potentially completely screwed up. Like majorly screwed up.

I feel frustrated with myself for not being more mentally prepared for the now. I know the answer to my problem is to just be still with God but I see these windows opening to the left and to the right and my heart believes the windows are opening for a reason. 

My Instagram feed is full of quotes about following your heart, do what you love, take the leap, be brave and bold and courage and so on and so on.  There is a BIG difference between being brave enough to do God's will and being stupid enough to pursue something not intended for us.   Jeremiah 17:9 tells us that "the human heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked, who can know it?" My heart has been peeking in the opening windows wondering which one I am suppose to pursue and really I want it all. I mean who doesn't want it all?  But I am not sure of any of them are meant for me. Maybe they are all there to throw me off and shake me up into this unsettled state. Who is to know?

Life is not always as clear and easy as a board game.

******Seriously, the day after I wrote this my husband came home with a big piece of information that I was hoping to know. It was not what I expected but God is so good and was so generous to show us another step forward. *******