Intention

Last night my love and I started talking about the different people that inspire us, what it is that they do/did, and how they started doing it.  We both agreed that each person lived their life intentionally and their story evolved over time. 

We also talked about how sad it was when some talk about a cetain time in their past as the best time that ever was or will be. My love and I certainly do not want to live that way, we want to keep looking ahead to all the wonderful plans God has for us. But that means that we have to really listen and believe God as well as live intentionally.

My love said,"you never go beyond the footprints that you make." 

And he is SO right! Miriam-Webster dictionary defines intention as determination to act in a certain way. Design is one of the synonyms but implies more of a "carefully calculated plan."  God designed us and carefully planned out an amazing purposefilled life for us. I want to be intentional about his plan. I want to be filled with determination to act according to God's design and not get distracted chasing satan's rabbit holes.  

^ I wrote the above portion of my post five days ago ^  The next morning my little love and I woke up sick. Not much has been accomplished this week and my only goal has been to be as happy and lazy as possible. I am now two days late on my bible study. My garbage disposal is apparently broken and there is a clog somewhere causing water to sit in both sides of my sink. My counters are littered with dirty dishes and my husband said I am not allowed to run the dishwasher. My voice is gone, my daughter is not sleeping well, and according to my last doctors visit I may be visiting a neurologist soon. 

So basically I feel very behind on my to-do list but all in all I have to accept the fact that I will not accomplish everything I want to each day. And that's okay! Because I live to the standard of GRACE, not perfection. <3 

my food confession

My BMI ranges during the month from 22 to 23, right in the healthy range.  I may not struggle with my weight but I have a HUGE food problem that I continually ignore:  I am lactose intolerant.  :(  Pout face because I do not like admitting it.  I do not like admitting it AT ALL and I even less so like living it.  Consuming anything dairy HURTS my stomach.  I do not mean little gas bubble, I mean sometimes almost to the point of fainting.  My stomach bloats terribly which makes me feel insecure.  And when I say bloat I mean my tummy is enviously flat and I decide to indulge in a super small bowl of home made macaroni and cheese as a side item and the next thing I know my stomach looks like I am 5 months pregnant and I feel like crap.  (This was before I had my little love baby, because lets be honest she is 18 months old now and my per-dairy stomach is still not flat anymore.)  One of my nearest and dearest friends has seen this happen so many times and  heard me complain after eating something dairy so many times that she will LITERALLY take cheese cubes out of my hand.  I have actually tried hiding one behind my back... she knew.  She even slapped my hand.  And you know what? I appreciated it.  She took responsibility for me when I would not. 

I constantly make excuses to eat the "handful" of dairy products that are on my "worth it" list.  Ready for it? Because I need to write it out for my own good.

 - Creamer in my morning coffee
- Evaporated Milk that is in that cappucino thing I have during little love's nap
- Macaroni and Cheese
-yoghurt
- ice cream
- grilled cheeses
- white gravy / biscuits n gravy / chicken in gravy  yes you can do the mix with water but it tastes better
-half and half in potato soup, chx enchilada soup, and chx pot pie
- butter on my cinnamon toast or biscuits
- sour cream on my chili, nachos, quesadilla
-cheesecake
- CHEESE  quesadilla, on chili, in soups, on potatoes, in pasta, in lasagna, on a burger, Parmesan on fries, feta on salads, the list goes on


^that list... that is me NOT trying to eat dairy.  I do not drink milk and I try to limit my weekly amount, but I still spend too much time in pain over dairy products.  WWWHHHHYYYYYY

Honestly? I make excuses. I tell myself that the taste is worth it.  Is it worth it? No.  But apparently my brain still thinks I am twenty years younger and cannot foresee the result of my actions.  I have rarely taken a stand and said enough is enough.  When those stands do take place they are quickly forgotten. The indulges start small but eventually turn into a average dairy eaters diet and I am left laying on the floor of my bathroom in tears because of the stabbing pains occurring in my body. 

As I was trying to fall asleep tonight the fact of my lactose intolerance came to the top of my brain and would not let me shove it back down.  I need to face the facts.  I am lactose intolerant.  Dairy products cause me pain.  I choose to eat dairy products and therefore I CHOOSE to cause myself pain. Those foods are NOT worth it and it NEEDS to stop.  No more excuses.  No more "worth it foods' or "just this one time" meals. 

Psalm 139:14 tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  God designed my body; I love my God and I love his design. Why is it then that I keep ignoring this part of his design?  1 Corinthians 6:19 says "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own."  :( WHY do I keep hurting my temple? The sad part is that I always have answers. Because otherwise I eat very well.  I eat fruits and veggies, drink plenty of water, exercise not as much as I use to but run around playing with my little love a lot, my list goes on.  Somewhere along the way I decided that I was doing good enough.  But God does not just want good enough from us.  He wants the very best.  

* You're the cream in my coffee * my favorite morning treat * need a substitute *

Permissible But Not Beneficial / the power of habit

As a new mother I have spent countless hours reading books on parenting, sleep training, potty training, blah blah blah, the list goes on. I suppose I am a book mom but in my mind there is no such thing as too many tools in my toolbelt. One of the BEST books I have picked up was The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.  The book opened my eyes to how habits are easily and often unintentionally formed and how hard they are to break. What has stuck with me is the idea of triggers. Almost every habit has a trigger. Think about that, what is your trigger?

It is about time to potty train my little love. We picked out a mini mouse potty today and two books about using the potty. Remembering my mama talking about potty training me using M&M's, I picked up a bag of M&M's as a reward for each time my little love uses the potty. But then, I started thinking about habits. After all thinking about what I have learned is what started this whole potty training prep. We are traveling this weekend and it is suppose to be easier to start a new habit after a change, like maybe traveling. My plan was to read potty books all weekend with my little love and get her super excited to go home and start a new good habit.  My plan also included using M&M's as a reward when forming a habit.  :/ oops.  This is a big time of learning; I am teaching my daughter how to be a big girl. What am I teaching her? What habits am I creating in her life?

I use to occasionally have a dear friend's little boy over to play. His mother is an inspiring women and definitely deserved child free time.  At the time I was not a mama and so we were having so much fun until he bumped his head, and tears started gathering up and streaming down  his rosy cheeks, and I felt unbelievably lost.  He was not hurt but definitely startled and without a mommy nearby to comfort.  What should I do!? I ran to the kitchen and grabbed my big box of Godiva chocolate truffles. That's right, I ran for chocolate. I opened the box in front of his eyes then told him that if he could be a big boy and dry up those tears then he could pick one chocolate, any chocolate, from Miss Lauren's truffle box. After that incident anytime tears came to his eyes, for whatever the reason, I gave him chocolate.  His mama did not do this so you can imagine her surprise when during a walk in the neighborhood the little boy said "I need to go to Miss Lauren's house, I have an ouchie, I need chocolate."  Busted. I was not only giving her son chocolate, I was teaching him that food was a comfort, food made him feel happier, and food makes all the ouchies worthwhile. Do you want to know what the worst part is? He did not have an ouchie. He had just spent a great day playing outside with his family. 

I don't know about you, but I may have cried "ouchie" a few too many times. I think sometimes we get confused in this world of instant gratification. After all, as a child of God, we believe that for every trial there are also blessings. Right? Why is it we think that a chocolate brownie is the blessing after a "hard day." A sweet a week is a treat, a sweet a day is a bad habit, even if we think it is deserved.  It may not be food, it may be alcohol or zoning out in front of the TV. Whatever the habit is that you have been permitted to develope, is it beneficial to your life? If not, what are the triggers? Recognizing them is going to be a huge help on breaking that habit. 

Want to know the best part?  The best way to defeat a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. Time with God is a GREAT habit.  And I am quite sure He can give you plenty more ideas.  If you can recognize your triggers then you can make your plan and be prepared the next time the triggers happen. I don't know about you but I deeply dislike running. At one point in my life I tried to replace the habit that occurred during afternoon boredome with running. I did not develop a healthy habit of running but I sure did find plenty of activities and extra time in God's word to keep me busy and not bored!  Now I am a mom and my schedule and triggers are completely different. Having that trigger awareness is not just helping me, it is even more so helping me be a great mommy. I am still going to tackle potty training but I no longer plan on rewarding my little love with M&M's. 

* caught eating cake in front of the Christmas tree *

She loves to read and I think this is a great opportunity to use God's perfect book as a reward and would very much appreciate children's bible recommendations! Her bible does not have pictures and she reads her Noah's Ark book every day. <3 

Made to Crave OBS and keeping my eyes on God

I spent the majority of my life eating super healthy, exercising frequently, and maintaining what I thought was a healthy body weight. But then I had a baby and a few extra hiccups in my marriage.  I chose to visited my parents in Kentucky (aka run from my problems I did not know how to face), and indulge in milkshakes and Chik-fil-a whenever my heart desired it. My heart desired those comforts a lot. 

God tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 that "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" 

Yikes. My heart was hurting and I had gained an extra ten pounds on top of my baby weight. I returned to my home and husband in Okinawa feeling so broken. Before all this I had been so on fire for God, my eyes craving every word I read and my heart full of joy. So what happened?  Shouldn't I be full of joy for each trial? Isn't it through all the bad that He refines us and we grow? 

I had failed. OH how I failed. I had my eyes on God and when the waves came I turned away. I vividly remember telling my husband I was heading for the states with our little girl to visit family- because I felt like I was drowning. During my time visiting I did not turn my eyes back to Jesus and I returned to Okinawa still very broken.  And, if you could believe it, this is written on my mothers dining room wall in gold letters: "turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim..."    

Right!? I know.  

After returning home the women's ministry in my church started a bible study that I actually passed up. It was the first time I felt like God was not giving me peace about a study. Then a dear friend invited me to her church's women's bible study. Without a doubt I felt God leading me to that study. It was Beth Moore's "Believing God" and it rocked my world. I had no idea what the next year was going to look like and that's a story for another time but I NEEDED that study at that point in my life. I needed every single word. If you know me well, and you know about my year, than you are nodding yes right now. 

When the Made to Crave OBS announcement popped up on my Facebook news feed for the first time I acknowledged its presence.  Then it kept popping up and I continually felt like I needed to hide from it. My friend Melissa shared the link on her Facebook wall saying she signed up and a few of my friends chimed in that they had too.  .... Then Melissa flat out tagged me in a comment asking if I was in. My first thought was "crap, now I have to."  And until tonight, I've been dreading it. 

I lost all that baby weight, and milkshake weight, and chicken nugget with waffle fries and a sweet tea weight. So having a food craving problem was not on the top of my list. But as I was reading "Yay You" by Sandra Boynton to my daughter tonight I saw this: 

"Some strive to be peaceful, and joyful, and wise.  Some choose to just ponder the size of their thighs."

I immediately thought THAT was why I was going to do Made to Crave OBS. I laughed a little and pretty quickly posted a pic on Instagram so that my lovies could get a little chuckle too. However as soon as I clicked share the memories of my few months with an unhealthy BMI started coming back.  In the book the choice seems so obvious and so simple.  Oh how I wish it was. But the book is right, it is a CHOICE and I choice God. 

So this is why I am doing Made to Crave OBS: because I have failed, I know that I could fail again, and I want to keep my eyes on God all the time, come "hell or high water." 

opening littleloveowl

I opened a littleloveowl corner at a local shop today! It is a very humble beginning with less than two dozen items in a my tiny corner but I am just over the moon about it! 

I have trouble discerning between what is God's will and what he allows. The idea of my own home made business is frightening and one of those grey areas. I am not sure if it is God's will or if it is an amazing dream that is all mine and not his intention. Thankfully a sweet lady opened a local shop for people who create and it is AMAZING. There are handmade bird houses, soap, furniture, wreaths, and the list goes on and on. Her business is expanding rapidly and she had a sweet little corner open and calling my name! 

I am so hopeful that today marks the beginning of a wonderful God lead journey where I am able to stay at home with my sweet daughter and create for other little ones. I believe God and I believe he has a wonderful plan for me... and I am really hoping this was one of his intended plans!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

learning to crochet

Once upon a time, in the far away land of Okinawa; there lived a group of very bored military spouses. The ladies started having a once a month craft day and made a lot of fun things that were completely useless. Some of the crafts included tissue paper flower wreaths, flower pot bunnies, and modge podge tequila bottle penguins. 

          *my absolutely favorite project*

What we made was not very important but the quality time with my friends was absolutely priceless. And it was during one of our craft days that my dear friend Katie taught me to crochet! She was so sweet and patient with me and I left that craft day feeling VERY accomplished. But then I tried it on my own. I attempted a simple crochet square BY myself and that simple crochet square looked nothing like a square.  Actually it did not look like anything that made any sort of sense and eventually evolved into a cactus pencil warmer. I am so not kidding. 

I am really bad about assuming i've "got it" and diving into a project I am not ready for. Once I "got" how to crochet I did it again. My husband wanted a blanket just for him, something big enough to curl up with and cover his toes AND he wanted the blanket to be 100% wool.  Being a loving wife, I absolutely made my husband's dream wool blanket for him! It took me FOREVER, or in real time three months. You know how your suppose to leave plenty of yarn when you fasten off? I left about an inch. No I am not kidding, just an inch. Now all those ends are knotted in little groups all over the edging. Oops. 

I am living breathing proof that practice make perfect and you never know what you can accomplish until you try! Three years have passed since I picked up my first crochet hook and I know that not all my crochet mistakes are behind me but I am certainly still learning and trying!

my little love and the things I have made her: 

                princess crown

                   leg warmers

                       kitty hat

                     Mint blanket