Made to Crave OBS and keeping my eyes on God

I spent the majority of my life eating super healthy, exercising frequently, and maintaining what I thought was a healthy body weight. But then I had a baby and a few extra hiccups in my marriage.  I chose to visited my parents in Kentucky (aka run from my problems I did not know how to face), and indulge in milkshakes and Chik-fil-a whenever my heart desired it. My heart desired those comforts a lot. 

God tells us in Jeremiah 17:9 that "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" 

Yikes. My heart was hurting and I had gained an extra ten pounds on top of my baby weight. I returned to my home and husband in Okinawa feeling so broken. Before all this I had been so on fire for God, my eyes craving every word I read and my heart full of joy. So what happened?  Shouldn't I be full of joy for each trial? Isn't it through all the bad that He refines us and we grow? 

I had failed. OH how I failed. I had my eyes on God and when the waves came I turned away. I vividly remember telling my husband I was heading for the states with our little girl to visit family- because I felt like I was drowning. During my time visiting I did not turn my eyes back to Jesus and I returned to Okinawa still very broken.  And, if you could believe it, this is written on my mothers dining room wall in gold letters: "turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim..."    

Right!? I know.  

After returning home the women's ministry in my church started a bible study that I actually passed up. It was the first time I felt like God was not giving me peace about a study. Then a dear friend invited me to her church's women's bible study. Without a doubt I felt God leading me to that study. It was Beth Moore's "Believing God" and it rocked my world. I had no idea what the next year was going to look like and that's a story for another time but I NEEDED that study at that point in my life. I needed every single word. If you know me well, and you know about my year, than you are nodding yes right now. 

When the Made to Crave OBS announcement popped up on my Facebook news feed for the first time I acknowledged its presence.  Then it kept popping up and I continually felt like I needed to hide from it. My friend Melissa shared the link on her Facebook wall saying she signed up and a few of my friends chimed in that they had too.  .... Then Melissa flat out tagged me in a comment asking if I was in. My first thought was "crap, now I have to."  And until tonight, I've been dreading it. 

I lost all that baby weight, and milkshake weight, and chicken nugget with waffle fries and a sweet tea weight. So having a food craving problem was not on the top of my list. But as I was reading "Yay You" by Sandra Boynton to my daughter tonight I saw this: 

"Some strive to be peaceful, and joyful, and wise.  Some choose to just ponder the size of their thighs."

I immediately thought THAT was why I was going to do Made to Crave OBS. I laughed a little and pretty quickly posted a pic on Instagram so that my lovies could get a little chuckle too. However as soon as I clicked share the memories of my few months with an unhealthy BMI started coming back.  In the book the choice seems so obvious and so simple.  Oh how I wish it was. But the book is right, it is a CHOICE and I choice God. 

So this is why I am doing Made to Crave OBS: because I have failed, I know that I could fail again, and I want to keep my eyes on God all the time, come "hell or high water."