my food confession

My BMI ranges during the month from 22 to 23, right in the healthy range.  I may not struggle with my weight but I have a HUGE food problem that I continually ignore:  I am lactose intolerant.  :(  Pout face because I do not like admitting it.  I do not like admitting it AT ALL and I even less so like living it.  Consuming anything dairy HURTS my stomach.  I do not mean little gas bubble, I mean sometimes almost to the point of fainting.  My stomach bloats terribly which makes me feel insecure.  And when I say bloat I mean my tummy is enviously flat and I decide to indulge in a super small bowl of home made macaroni and cheese as a side item and the next thing I know my stomach looks like I am 5 months pregnant and I feel like crap.  (This was before I had my little love baby, because lets be honest she is 18 months old now and my per-dairy stomach is still not flat anymore.)  One of my nearest and dearest friends has seen this happen so many times and  heard me complain after eating something dairy so many times that she will LITERALLY take cheese cubes out of my hand.  I have actually tried hiding one behind my back... she knew.  She even slapped my hand.  And you know what? I appreciated it.  She took responsibility for me when I would not. 

I constantly make excuses to eat the "handful" of dairy products that are on my "worth it" list.  Ready for it? Because I need to write it out for my own good.

 - Creamer in my morning coffee
- Evaporated Milk that is in that cappucino thing I have during little love's nap
- Macaroni and Cheese
-yoghurt
- ice cream
- grilled cheeses
- white gravy / biscuits n gravy / chicken in gravy  yes you can do the mix with water but it tastes better
-half and half in potato soup, chx enchilada soup, and chx pot pie
- butter on my cinnamon toast or biscuits
- sour cream on my chili, nachos, quesadilla
-cheesecake
- CHEESE  quesadilla, on chili, in soups, on potatoes, in pasta, in lasagna, on a burger, Parmesan on fries, feta on salads, the list goes on


^that list... that is me NOT trying to eat dairy.  I do not drink milk and I try to limit my weekly amount, but I still spend too much time in pain over dairy products.  WWWHHHHYYYYYY

Honestly? I make excuses. I tell myself that the taste is worth it.  Is it worth it? No.  But apparently my brain still thinks I am twenty years younger and cannot foresee the result of my actions.  I have rarely taken a stand and said enough is enough.  When those stands do take place they are quickly forgotten. The indulges start small but eventually turn into a average dairy eaters diet and I am left laying on the floor of my bathroom in tears because of the stabbing pains occurring in my body. 

As I was trying to fall asleep tonight the fact of my lactose intolerance came to the top of my brain and would not let me shove it back down.  I need to face the facts.  I am lactose intolerant.  Dairy products cause me pain.  I choose to eat dairy products and therefore I CHOOSE to cause myself pain. Those foods are NOT worth it and it NEEDS to stop.  No more excuses.  No more "worth it foods' or "just this one time" meals. 

Psalm 139:14 tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  God designed my body; I love my God and I love his design. Why is it then that I keep ignoring this part of his design?  1 Corinthians 6:19 says "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own."  :( WHY do I keep hurting my temple? The sad part is that I always have answers. Because otherwise I eat very well.  I eat fruits and veggies, drink plenty of water, exercise not as much as I use to but run around playing with my little love a lot, my list goes on.  Somewhere along the way I decided that I was doing good enough.  But God does not just want good enough from us.  He wants the very best.  

* You're the cream in my coffee * my favorite morning treat * need a substitute *